Category Archives: Elli Pope

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope and the Winter of Discord

Word Count – 900

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope stood stationary on the bridge, his tongue frozen to the steel railing overlooking the river. He brushed the snow from the top of his Crime Solving hat, a white bicycle helmet clipped beneath his nine year old chin, which dropped flaky snow onto his face. He grubbily brushed as much of the snow from his face as possible only to have it drift down his body, rub his bare legs and pile in the sweatpants around his ankles and out of his reach. He went over the events of the Mystery that lead him to be stuck in his Elaborate Death Trap, waiting for embarrassing rescue by one of the many cars that drove past, honking.

The day before, at lunchtime, he had made quite the splash in the cafeteria as he showed the most recent addition to his Crime Solving/Mystery Busting Kit, a small mobile phone that could call his mother in emergencies, to his grade school colleagues. He assured them that the pink was the only colour they had left at the store. Susan, a red-haired girl with pig-tails in the fifth grade sat next to Elli, he presumed mesmerized by his aptness and capabilities as a detective. She stared at his mobile and crossed her legs like a practiced woman twice her age.

“Elli, right?” she asked gingerly. The Cunning Boy Detective knew the score. A dame with a case to be settled. A mystery to be solved by the competent and frugal Detective. She leaned forward, catching his reflection of the cell phone. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope was taken aback by the offer, but retained his poise as the other boys around the table made cooing sounds. “Why no, Madam. I have never had the pleasure of being tooled by a dame.”

“What?” Susan rubbed her nose her with open palm. “Do you want to or not?”

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope nodded vigorously.

“Good boy, meet me tomorrow by Veteran’s Bridge and we’ll get to the bottom of things.” Susan got up and smiled, flashing her braces. “Bring your pretty little toy.”

The next day, Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope stood on the Veteran’s bridge, leaning against the steel handrail. He ran out of twigs and stick to throw at the frozen river and was bored of seeing snowballs crumple on the ice. A light snow drifted from the grey sky when Susan approached. He saw her approaching and did his best to look inconspicuous and bored by looking directly at her, his eyes wide in terror.

Susan stopped in front of Elli, wearing her elegant, adult style blouse and skirt with thermal tights, sweater and pea coat. She wore a beret, which she explained was a hat from France, a country that Elli had once coloured sea blue on a map. Susan, hair red as the fires of heck, spoke softly to Elli.

“Are you ready to solve the case?” she asked. Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope played it cool by nodding furiously. She instructed Elli to lean forward, close his eyes, purse his lips and stick out his tongue. Elli complied, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out as far as it could go. Susan nimbly caressed his face with her mittens and then violently shoved his face onto the steel railing. Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope squealed and tried to pull his face from the railing, but his tongue froze immediately. He was stuck.

He began shouting and cursing as cruelly as he was aware possible. “Cootie eater!” He swore. “Smelly butt!” It was as harsh as the Cunning Boy Detective had ever been.

“I would never kiss someone as ugly as you.” Susan retorted, coldly. She strutted around Elli Pope’s swinging arms. She reached into his pocket, retrieved the mobile phone and smacked him with her mittens. She turned and began to walk away from the Cunning Boy Detective, but abruptly returned to him. Elli Pope was momentarily jubilant that she was not as cruel as he had imagined, and would certainly help free him from this Elaborate Death Trap.

“This is so you’ll remember me.” Susan, yanking his sweats and underwear down to his ankles and skipping home.

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope, tongue stuck to the rail, unable to reach his pants, mooned the occasionally passing cars. As fate had it, Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope’s partner, Mother, drove past the bridge, stopped and rescued Elli Pope from the Elaborate Death Trap that Susan had left him in. She scolded him, wrapped him in blankets and made him sit in the back seat next to the groceries. Mother informed Elli that she would get his stolen mobile back, but would not return it to him until he showed some bloody responsibility.

And so Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope, wrapped in blankets and lisping heavily, thought to his first foray into the combination of Love and Mystery and came to the necessary conclusion. Dames are no good for business, he thought. And Susan, like all dames, was a total smelly butt.


Tune in next time as Elli Pope is captured by Doctor NOOOOOIDON’TWANTTOGO and is tortured to decipher his Secret Allergy Weaknesses.

© Timothy Legion, 2009

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope and the Satchel of Secrets

Word Count – 440

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope carried the bag of evidence into the family room and presented it to his mother, who sat on the couch and observed the television with great interest.

“Mother! I have solved the Case of my Toys Disappearing!” Elli announced with the charismatic glee of a seven year old. He wore his Crime Solving Hat – a white bicycle helmet of courage and certainty that he imagined the Hardy Boys would wear as they solved mysteries and if they wore Crime Solve Hats – and Elephant Pajamas of Business.

“Elli, don’t interrupt the teevee,” said Mother.

“Aha! But Mother! In solving this Mystery, I have also unlocked the Truth of Satchel of Secrets in the garbage!” Elli beamed. “In investigating one case, I found them linked and behold: satisfaction!” Elli unwrapped the knot on the bag of evidence and dumped its contents on the ground in front of Mother. His missing toys, filthy and covered in refuse, emerged from the bag like trash emerged from a bag of trash.


Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope, recognizing the familiar tone of Angry Step-Father, Criminal Empire Mastermind, dropped the sack of evidence and turned to face him, being completely overshadowed by the villain’s monstrous, adult size.

“I solved the Mystery! Mother must have dropped my toys in there by accident. And then You covered it up!” Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope accused Angry Step-Father. He pointed his chubby fingers at him threateningly. “You sir, have been defeated by my superior deductive skills.”

“I threw out your toys because you’re too old for them and they’re filthy.” Mother lifted her feet from the ground as a thick liquid cascaded from Elli’s sack.

Elli Pope stood stunned, shocked by Mother’s betrayal. He had read about treason before, but had never imagined it could infect someone as high as Mother. “He’s gotten to you! You’ve become slave to his criminal plans! He means to kill and rob us all!” Elli Pope shouted, dodging Angry Step-Father’s long arm by dropping to the floor and kicking wildly. “And I hate you!” Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope added for good measure.

Cunning Boy Detective Elli Pope, after being flogged by Angry Step-Father and returned to his room, was flogged again for making long distance calls to Scotland Yard demanding they get off their fannies and rescue him.


Tune in Next Time as Elli Pope solves the Riddle of the Moans of Mystery coming from his Mother’s Bedroom by bursting in and shouting: “What’s all this then?”

© Timothy Legion, 2009