One Sheets – Series Seven: First Gallery Show

I’ve emerged from my cave with a bounty of batshit to share.

Well, it’s been an interesting and amazing few months. Between mounting a one person Fringe show and desperately avoiding the sun, I’ve just wrapped my first solo gallery show. The response was incredible, and I can’t thank people enough for showing up, giving a damn, and lending support to me and my work. It’s always nice to know that my joyous downward spiral is as amusing to watch as it is to experience, so a big thanks to everyone who helped make it a success, namely Paul Little and the staff of Frame Arts Warehouse. You crazy kids are alright.

This series is compiled of the pieces that made their debut in the gallery, and a few commissioned pieces I’ve made over the summer. Most have been sold, but a few are still up for grabs! I’m making another venture to Toronto to scrounge up some new posters, and I’ve already got a pile of commissions to get through to keep me going for the next little while. No rest for the stupid.

‘Acherontia Styx’, formerly The Silence of the Lambs

SOLD

‘I Missed The Part Where That’s My Problem’, formerly Spiderman

SOLD

‘A Chalky Undertaste’, formerly Rosemary’s Baby

SOLD

‘This Town Needs an Enema’, formerly Batman

SOLD

‘That’s Why I Really Hate Sharks’, formerly Sharknado

SOLD

’36 Hours’, formerly Blow

SOLD

‘My Disappointing Early Work’, formerly ‘Children’s Programming’ formerly Clerks

SOLD

I suppose this one is a little on the nose, but it felt right. This was maybe the third or fourth One Sheet I’d finished, and was one I brought out last November at the Self-Destructivism Video Dance, the first time I ever showed them to people. I never liked it. I always felt it had a very amateurish stink to it. After I’d made more and started feeling more confident in them, this one stuck out even worse. Since I’ve started there have been a lot of attempted One Sheets that did not pass muster, or were just flat out shitty, that I’ve never shown people. The less said about my misguided Snakes on a Plane experiment the better. However, I made the fatal flaw of showing this one off to people. It’s a lesson every budding creative type needs to learn. Just because you’re excited about doing something does not mean everyone needs to see every facet of it. A wiser man than myself once told me that it’s always on you to know if the work you’re doing is actually any good. Forget what others say, positive or negative. If you’re genuinely good, you’re an honest critic of your own work. You’ll know if the stuff you made meets your standards. Everyone else is just guessing. 

‘Japan Four’, formerly Freddy Got Fingered

$40

‘Father, Son, and The Holy Ghost’, formerly four posters for Lies of a Promiscuous Woman

SOLD

A really cool commission for the cast and crew. I was honored to be asked, considering the notoriety of the posters. Thanks to Veronica for the opportunity.

Winnipeg Fringe Festival Actor Called ‘Blasphemer’ For Play

‘You’re My Favorite Customer’, formerly The Room

This will be available to be WON, at a special screening of The Room at the Park Theater on Sunday September 7th as part of the Interactive  Movie Nights.

 Also, cool little tidbit about this one, this poster was sold to me by Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero. I bought two, and got them to sign one for me to keep. They looked very confused when I said I did not want them to sign this one, and I really did not want to go into the whole detail of explaining why.

‘Lil’ Scrappers’.

I have this problem, in that I can never find it in myself to throw away any of the little remainders of a poster that don’t make it into the final piece. This is my tiny way of giving them a second chance to shine.

‘Suicide Booth’,  formerly Futurama – SOLD

‘Wiseau’, formerly The Room – $15

‘Gnadenlos’, formerly The Silence of the Lambs – $15

‘Television’, formerly Futurama – $15

‘Cianflone’, formerly Pizza Hotline flyers – $15

‘G: General Audiences’, formerly 2001: A Space Odyssey – $15

‘Sretaeht’, formerly Pokemon: the Movie – $15

‘Stallone’, formerly Rambo: First Blood Part II – $15

‘R: Restricted – Black’, formerly The Room – $15

‘Based On A True Story’, formerly Blow – SOLD

‘R: Restricted – White’, formerly Dirty Harry – $15

‘This Film Is Not Yet Rated’, formerly Girl With The Dragon Tattoo – SOLD

‘We Were Brainwashed’, formerly The Breakfast Club – SOLD

‘Sexy Communism’, formerly Dr. Strangelove – SOLD

One Sheets – Series Six: Commission Impossible

Ah, the joy of destroying stuff.

Upon returning from my poster scavenging expedition in Toronto, the last month has been nothing but fun commissions and interesting projects. I was happy to have a number of cool requests, and I was thrilled to get the chance to leave my stink all over them. 

As for the future of the One Sheet project,  I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is you may not see as many updates up here, or very many new One Sheets for sale from me in the next little while. Awwww, maaaaan.

However, don’t worry, because since I’m a jerk, the good news totally overrides the bad news. I’m pleased to announce that I’m going to be putting on my very first gallery show!

Mark your calenders kiddies, because from August 24th to the 31st, I will be taking over the Frame Arts Warehouse C Space gallery for my very first solo show! There will be DOZENS of brand new, one of a kind pieces made for this show, and ALL of them will be for sale. I’m also planning a number of special events in and around Frame, so stay tuned for updates very soon about those festivities.

All of the One Sheets in this series are spoken for, and I’d just like to give a friendly howdy-do to Natalie, Jesse, Matt, Dave, Ryan, and Sean for their kind patronage of my bullshit.

‘Dogs And Cats Living Together’, formerly Ghostbusters

SOLD 

‘Deny Them My Essence’, formerly Dr. Strangelove

SOLD

‘Renaud (Hidden Track)’, formerly 4 Islands tour posters

SOLD

‘Predator Pink’, formerly Riddick

SOLD

‘Six Shots, Or Only Five?’, formerly Dirty Harry

SOLD

‘That’s A Very Nice Rendering’, formerly 2001: A Space Oddesey

SOLD

 

‘Fuck You #WhiteHouseDown’, formerly White House Down

SOLD

‘Damn Your Eyes’, formerly a couple things

The image created to be used in the program for my upcoming show in the 2014 Winnipeg Fringe Festival.

 

One Sheets – Series Five

After a month of no money and isolation during the coldest and shittiest winter this God forsaken ice tundra has seen since the 1970s, I’ve emerged from my cave with a new little batch of colourful little malcontents.

You hit an interesting point after you make enough of these things, I’ve found. Now that I have a vague sense of what I’m doing, and experimented with a few new approaches , I can authoritatively tell you all what I’ve learned about my artistic process. I can tell you all right now, with great certainty, that art is dumb. Really fucking dumb. It’s tedious, takes up a lot of my time, is on my mind constantly, makes me very little money, and at the end of the day, I’m an adult in my late 20s without a full time job making bizarre arts and crafts alone in my apartment.

And I would not have it any other way.

I’m going away on a expedition to collect some commissioned posters, and after I return and make those, I plan to keep my next plans for One Sheets on the down low for a little while. I’ve proved to myself and enough people that I’m not entirely wasting my time, and hopefully I’m able to whip up some stuff that will be really sweet.   

‘Too Much Sibilance’, formerly The Brave Little Toaster To The Rescue

SOLD

‘They Talk A Lot, Don’t They?’, formerly Pulp Fiction

SOLD

‘One Of The Ones That Became Nothing’, formerly Pulp Fiction

SOLD

I had a lot of extra scraps left over from the massive Pulp Fiction One Sheet, enough to make a whole 16 by 20 and 8 by 10 out of them. Those big ones are such a pain in the ass, but they are so worth it. 

‘Man Of Tomorrow’, formerly Superman

SOLD

‘Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na’, formerly Batman

SOLD

‘With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility’, formerly Spider-Man

SOLD

The three superhero themed One Sheets were a sweet commission series for my boss’ baby’s room. Super happy for the chance to make those. Start the kids off weird, that’s what I always say.

‘Hi, I’m Jerry Cianflone’, formerly 20+ Pizza Hotline flyers

SOLD

One Sheets – The Making of ‘Personality Goes A Long Way’, formerly Pulp Fiction

‘Personality Goes A Long Way, formerly Pulp Fiction

Since starting this whole One Sheet business, I’ve had a number of people ask how exactly they are made. I decided that for perhaps the grandest, most complex, and most requested pieces I’ve ever undertaken, I’d document the entire process from start to finish. From assembling materials, to the first cut, all the way to the final top coat, I take you through every step of the dark and sticky journey. 

Here now is a peek behind the curtain into how the artistic hot dog is made…

Due to the high demand I’ve had for this piece, I’m currently accepting offers via private message on Facebook or Twitter

Pics of the process…

One Sheets – Series Four: The Revenge

After my Christmas season commission rush, I was once again allowed the freedom to hack and slash whatever the hell I wanted.

I’ve still got a lot of posters to plow through, and I’ve already got my mind set on a really cool themed series in the near future. Coming soon, I’ll  also be giving information on a very special commission opportunity, where you could have the chance to get a custom One Sheet of almost any film you can imagine.

Several of the One Sheets you see below are still for sale, and are currently on display at The Purple Room at Frame. They can be purchased by contacting me (@jdrenaud on twitter), or by sending a private message to my or The Purple Room’s Facebook. 

“Very Protective”, formerly Dude, Where’s My Car?

SOLD

“You’re The Only One I Trust”, formerly Rambo: First Blood Part Two

$50

“Tonight’s The Night”, formerly Dexter

$40

“Here I Come To Save The Day”, formerly Man On The Moon

SOLD

“I Trust That Scratch Hasn’t Made You Useless”, formerly 300

$40

“Revenge Is Never A Straight Line”, formerly Kill Bill Vol. 1

SOLD

The second 30 by 40 inch canvas I’ve completed.  If you closely inspect this bad boy, you will see small yellow scraps hidden in the mix. Fun fact, there are 88 of them.  

Detail

One Sheets – Series Three: Xmas Commissions

I was fortunate enough to have a number of friends and well-wishers who supported my neurosis by commissioning One Sheets for Christmas gifts.

Included in this series are my first non-film posters, my first international commission, and my first double landscape.

Thanks to Chad Anderson, Dan Huen, Rory Fallis, Paul Mazurik, Ernesta Tobin, and Blair Renaud.

Also, huge thanks to Cory Falvo for his donation of a buttload of posters to the cause.

“Dream On, Skin Tube”, formerly Futurama: Space Pilot 3000

SOLD

“Do Not Attempt To Defy Me”, formerly Pokemon: The First Movie

SOLD

“Demented And Sad, But Social”, formerly The Breakfast Club

SOLD

“Why Does He Keep Protecting Us?”, formerly Godzilla 2000

SOLD

“Maybe You Should Drive”, formerly ‘Fear & Loathing’ art print by Ralph Steadman

SOLD

“The Letter U”, & “The Numeral 2″, formerly U2 album covers

SOLD

Made out of an extra large poster, spread out over two canvases. I was delighted to have my first musical One Sheets to be U2 inspired. I’m not really a fan, but I did listen to a lot of Negativland while making these. 

Detail – 

One Sheets – Series Two

“Oh, Shit! What Are We Going To Do Now?”, formerly Transformers: The Movie

SOLD

‘Fix The Cigarette Lighter’, formerly The Blues Brothers

SOLD

My first commission. Thank you, Dr. Dan Huen

‘I Don’t Like Being Sick’, formerly Quarantine

SOLD

‘Matte Finish Can Eat My Ass’, formerly Quarantine

$10

After experimenting with new kinds of sealer, I’ve made an educated decision.

‘Mean Mother Fuckin’ Servant Of God’, formerly From Dusk Till Dawn

SOLD

“Dicks, Pussies, & Assholes”, formerly Team America: World Police

SOLD

‘Worth Dying For, Worth Killing For, Worth Going To Hell For’, formerly Sin City

SOLD

‘Flashback Humor’, formerly Fight Club

SOLD

My first 30 by 40 inch canvas, four times larger than the others, made out of a gigantic wall-sized poster. Two more of this size are on the way.

“Tentacle Shaft”, formerly Shaft

A special piece for The Purple Room and Paul Little.

One Sheets – Series One

For a plethora of reasons I don’t really feel like going into right now, I’ve decided to destroy all my old movie posters, and recompose them all into abstract pictures.

Each of the images you see are made entirely out of a single film poster, pasted onto a 16 by 20 canvas, with no other added images. I call them ‘One Sheets’. Mainly because I think it’s a snappy title for the series, and because ‘Decoupaged Copyright Infringement’ is too many syllables.

All unsold images are on display in The Purple Room at Frame Arts Warehouse, and can be purchased by sending a private message to @jdrenaud on Twitter.

 

“This Was An Abysmal Failure”, formerly Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

SOLD

This was my very first attempt at a full 16 by 20 canvas, and I completely fucked it up. I didn’t like the fact that you could still read text and clearly make out certain images. The edges were frayed, I had bubbles everywhere, it was just a god damn mess. Mostly, I hated the fact that it was clear that I had just cut up an old poster. Granted, that is what I did, and what I am doing for all of these, but regardless, this one pissed me off. It really annoyed me how it proved that I didn’t have the skills or the intelligence to know how to use my materials effectively yet.

 It sat in my hallway for a week, and it made me furious when I looked at it. The only thing I could think of when I saw it was “This Was An Abysmal Failure”. So, I took out my paints, wrote that on it, slapped two logos on either side, and to be honest with you, now I love it. A fitting start. 

“Don’t Talk Like One Of Them”, formerly The Dark Knight
SOLD

“Strikes and Gutters, Ups and Downs”, formerly The Big Lebowski
SOLD

“Children’s Programming”, formerly Clerks
SOLD

“No Real People”, formerly Reservoir Dogs
SOLD

“Two Together Are Always Going Somewhere”, formerly Vertigo
SOLD

Controversy at the VMAs: The Next 21 Years

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miley Cyrus has drawn a considerable amount of media attention for her salacious performance at the MTV Video Music Awards over the weekend. However, this is not the first time that the VMAs have drawn controversy, nor will it likely be the last.

Using a very complicated series of graphs and linear programming charts, I have created a 21 year projection for the ongoing history of controversial moments at the VMAs.  Please keep referring back to this list every year to see how accurate I was.

2014 – Huge shock waves go out on the twitterverse when One Direction announces their break-up, citing creative differences. Naill Horan exits the stage giving what many in the audience interpret to be the seig heil arm gesture, though he denies it. Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke’s performance of their new single, ‘Rohypnol Rumble’, is edited from the show for time.

2015 – The twitterverse explodes when Justin Bieber announces his plans to portray Heath Ledger in the upcoming bio-pic of the late actor. Katy Perry wears a dress made entirely out of olinguito fur. This broadcast is also the last known public sighting of Pharrell Williams, whom is never seen or heard from again. Ben Affleck as Batman hosts.

2016 – In a comeback performance that few saw coming, Sarah McLachlan very visibly masturbates on stage for four straight minutes while performing her 1995 hit ‘I Will Remember You’. As a result, Twitter suffers an irreparable sever overload. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey sues McLachlan for the necessary repairs to the twitterverse. Nicki Minaj wears a very strange hat.

2017 – Brazilian-born and Seattle-raised internet pop sensation Yoalin Karr sweeps the awards with his hit single ‘Done 4 U’, despite the distinction of never having released the single on a major label. A bidding war erupts to secure the rights to release his first album. Host Justin Timberlake is very visibly gaining weight. A Pepsi ad depicting an implied scene of incest draws controversy.

2018 – The Nu Metal Revival medley sees the surviving members of Limp Bizkit join members of Twerk-Metal band Caawk in a performance that ends in the accidental death of Caawk’s bass player, Naill Horan. Yoalin Karr’s performance is criticized for allegedly depicting a re-enactment the 9/11 attacks, of which Karr claims he’d never heard of before. Only 3 awards are given out all night.

2019 – The lowest rated VMAs in history, mostly due to the show being preempted for the debut of the new MTV reality series “Fuck, Marry, Kill”, in which a contestant is forced to actually fuck, marry, or kill three celebrities. (Jennifer Lawrence, Chloe Grace Mortez, and Willow Smith, respectively). One notable performance is the duet between Kid Rock and a hologram of Joe C.

2020One Direction reunites, replacing Naill Horan with the newly sober and born again christian Miley Cyrus. Host Tyler the Creator causes a stir when he steals all of the Moonman awards and starts to throw them at people in the audience, injuring several. Jay-Z is given the lifetime achievement award, but forgot to set his alarm from PM to AM, and is not there in time to accept.

2021Yoalin Karr proposes live on television to his girlfriend, Frances Bean Cobain. Chris Brown descends from the rafters of Radio City Music Hall, pouring what many first believed to be pig’s blood on the first four rows of audience members. It is later revealed to be blood from several people still on the missing person’s registry. A lengthy investigation follows. Hologram Joe C hosts.

2022 – After being snubbed by the awards the year previous, Kanye West decides to put on his own awards show across the street from Radio City Music Hall, inviting only friends and family to attend. U2 does a performance live via satellite from their privately owned space station. Malasian-American singer Tenai does her entire performance suspended in the air by metal hooks digging into her back, symbolizing something.

2023Lady Gaga accepts her lifetime achievement award in a very classy and conservative white evening dress. Her acceptance speech is simply “Alright, monsters. It’s time.”, before walking off stage. A single gunshot is heard. Later, 272,802 more suicides are reported by devout Gaga fans across the world. Bruno Mars is shown picking his nose in a cut-away, which quickly becomes an internet meme.

2024 – A tribute to the late 2 Chainz is sullied by a drunk and belligerent Justin Bieber and Robin Thicke, who storm the stage wearing ‘Bieber/Thicke 2024′ election t-shirts. Two unknown women are seen doing meth and making out with each other in the audience pit. They will later sign to a four record deal with Interscope records. This marks the first year that no awards are given out whatsoever.

2025 – A man wearing a Kendrick Lamar mask runs naked across the stage during Jaden and Will Smith’s unsettling medley of love songs to each other. People are stunned, but less-so once it is revealed that he was only one of dozens of naked Kendrick Lamar backup dancers, late to the show, who will be seen later during Lamar’s performance in the show. Tenai announces her new album will be released exclusively on Mini Disc. Two Girls Doing Meth and Making Out host.

2026Mumford and Sons perform a 47 minute jam set before security is forced to intervene and remove them from the building. Yoalin Karr announces plans to start his own religion. Most of the live acts are visibly masturbating themselves or others during each performance. Meanwhile, the 5th year of The Kanye Awards draws record ratings with the surprise reunion of the Talking Heads.

2027 – A protest is staged outside of Radio City Music Hall to prevent the performance of pop sensation Tristan Turner, with many feeling that his hit ‘There Without You (I Can’t Get No Fuck)’ bears too close of a resemblance to the 3 Doors Down song ‘Here Without You’, the latter of which has since become the national anthem of Cambodia. Turner is 4 years old. Nicki Minaj wears a very strange hat, made out of the corpse of Katy Perry.

2028 – No awards due to rain.

2029 – No awards due to floods.

2030 – No awards due to locust.

2031 – No awards due to Daft Punk’s control over the west coast power grid.

2032 – The VMAs return, with survivors of The Great Darkness exhibiting their talents for those fortunate enough to still have a working television. Acts deemed ‘pleasing’ by the barbaric iron fists of Daft Punk are permitted to survive another year. The winner this year is Frances Bean Cobain for murdering her husband, Pope Yoalin Karr the First, live on the air. Hologram Joe C hosts.

2033 – A rag-tag band of disheveled pop stars set aside their differences and unite to crush the tyrannical regime that has constricted them into a life of violent pseudo-sexual torture. Together, a one-legged Rihanna, Marshall ‘Mohammed’ Mathers, Frances Bean Cobain, two of the four surviving members of Muse, and Drake’s brain hooked up to the body of a 15-foot cyborg, rise up to defeat Daft Punk and free their imprisoned contemporaries. It comes in second in the ratings to the season finale of ‘Rick Clarion: Retard Cop’ on AMC, starring Michael Cera.

2034 – The 50th anniversary of the awards features a lengthy montage of past VMA moments that helped shape popular culture over the years. From the infamous kiss between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, to the public gaffes by Fiona Apple and Kanye West, not a single controversial or memorable moment in the five decade long history of the awards is over looked. The outfits, the gimmicks, the spectacles and the scandal. Performances that marked the arrival of new musical icons, and solidified the pedigree of those who came before. The montage artfully and without omission presents the long history of the MTV Video Music Awards for what it truly has been, and for what it has come to mean. For decades, it has been the annual event for the most visual generation of young people in history to see their idols at the peak of their pageantry. To see them expose as much as they can to as many as they can. Be it for reasons of misguided vanity, or in a pure desire to express themselves as true artists, it has become and endures as the widest forum for popular musicians to be seen and talked about by their public, and to hopefully never be forgotten. The montage is followed by a Pepsi commercial featuring two computer animated owls screaming racial slurs and farting on each other, which quickly becomes an internet meme.

- J.D. Renaud

“I Beat The Guitar Like A Drum” – The Bob Log III Interview

“And then there’s this guy named Bob Log, you ever heard of him? He’s this little kid — nobody even knows how old he is — wears a motorcycle helmet and he has a microphone inside of it and he puts the glass over the front so you can’t see his face, and plays slide guitar. It’s just the loudest strangest stuff you’ve ever heard. You don’t understand one word he’s saying. I like people who glue macaroni on to a piece of cardboard and paint it gold. That’s what I aspire to basically.” – Tom Waits

I’ve been moderately obsessed with Bob Log III ever since I found myself at a show of his several years ago. I had seen some live footage and maybe heard a song or two, but is was not until I felt the full brunt of his live show did I become a full fledged devotee of the man. His sound is raw, primal, and ugly as all hell. Yet he wields the undeniable power to make the whole world dance.

I didn’t know if you’re looking for a new hero, but I sure as hell found you one.

Hailing from Tucson, Arizona, Bob was once the singing and slinging half of Doo Rag, a duo that paired him with friend and junk band troubadour Thermos Malling. The frantic guitar and distorted vocals of Log, coupled with the smashing and crashing of the improvised percussion section made Doo Rag a beloved sideshow attraction in their heyday, opening for the likes of Beck, The Cramps, and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. A fallout with Thermos mid-way into a tour opening for Ween forced Bob to adapt quickly to the sudden loss of fifty percent of his band, and like all great decisions born of desperation, it would be this sudden emergence as a one man band that would eventually lead Log to truly finding his voice. Luckily for the rest of us, that voice speaks through a crash helmet with a phone glued to it.

Since then, as a one man band Log has released four albums, toured the world relentlessly, and left a long trail of dropped jaws in his wake. Adding to the fury of his playing are his beloved and infamous ‘audience participation exercises’, such as inviting two women to sit on his knees while he plays, climb into a single person dingy and raft the crowd, and, most notoriously, presenting a scotch on the rocks to the crowd and politely requesting the crowd to dip their boobs in his drink. The drink, and the act, have been immortalized by what many have called his magnum opus, “Boob Scotch”.

I got the chance to sit down with Bob, (sans-helmet), to talk about his love of performing, his artful dodging of Interpol, and the skills one needs to acquire to gracefully play guitar while dodging low hanging ceiling fans.

—-

(FULL DISCLOSURE! This interview is a few years old, transcribed from an audio interview I did with Bob before a show in Toronto in 2011. I had just purchased my recorder, and barely knew how to operate it. The audio from that session is pretty much unlistenable. However, most of what was said still applies today. He’s still amazing, he’s still on tour, Winnipeg is still confusing, etcetera, and so forth…)

—-

J.D. RENAUD – I guess this is kind of foreign, holding your own microphone.

BOB LOG III – Yeah, I never hold microphones. I’ll do my best.

J.D. – There is a record store in Toronto, Rotate This, that has a super old Doo Rag poster on their wall. I asked the guy at the counter if it was for sale, and he just shot me this stone cold look. He told me “This store could burn to the ground and I could lose everything, but the only thing I’d be really pissed about losing is that poster”.

BOB LOG III – Aw, man! I need to go say hi to that guy! I was just remembering the first time I went to Toronto. It was when Doo Rag was opening for Beck on the Loser tour. I can’t remember the name of the venue. It was big. It might not be there anymore. There was a bunch of kids there, a lot of 14 year old girls, and they were all passing out while we were playing and being handed over the guardrails. Little girls passing out. That was my entrance into Toronto. Beck also let us crash in his hotel room, which was really nice of him.

J.D. – The guy at Rotate This told me that he saw you guys completely blind, and was blown away. He now has a personal attachment to that poster, that night, and in a weird way to you. I had a similar experience the first time I saw you a few years ago. Do you ever perform with that thought in the back of your head, that someone might be in the crowd who has no idea what you are about? Do you want to leave an impression on people who don’t know what they are in for?

BOB LOG III – I wouldn’t say I think like that. In a way I do. I just try my hardest every fuckin’ night. It’s definitely music, but it’s also a sport. It’s this game I’ve invented, and every night I can win. I’ve always got to try hard. I don’t think “Oh, there might be people here who don’t know me, I’ve got to impress them”, I think “I’m going to play songs I love as good as I can, and as hard as I can, until it hurts”. That’s every night. There could be five people there, or five thousand people there, does not matter.

J.D. – Tell me about the “rafting incident”.

BOB LOG III – I don’t know when it started, maybe 2004 or 2005, but I started riding in a boat on top of people. It’s all because of Belingham Washington. This club was closing, and I was like “I’ve got to do something for them”, because they were flying me in from Australia for the show to close their club. It went from a $200 plane ticket to a $2000 plane ticket, so I was like “I’ve got to do something really cool for these people. I know! I’ll get on a boat on top of ‘em!”

J.D. – The decision was that sudden?

BOB LOG III – Pretty much. I was driving to the show, it was like a two hour drive from Seattle to Belingham. I’m thinking the whole way, and about an hour and a half into it I’m like (tire screech) “BOAT SHOP!”. I also then had to get a wireless unit for my guitar, because I figured if I’m gonna be in the boat, I better be playing, too. So I got those, did it, and the crowd went ape-shit. That’s when it started. I didn’t do it all the time, but I did it a lot. I did it probably six hundred times over about three years. Every time I did it, I always thought “God dammit, one of these day I’m going to get really hurt”, because really, I’m trusting a room full of drunk people not to drop me on my head. The only thing that kept my up for so long was that I’m kind of like precious cargo to them. They usually try really hard. But then, in Sydney, I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I have a theory. I think I got sent out over a bunch of girls who were trying to protect their hair. That’s not a dis on girls, I just genuinely think that’s what happened. I fell into a hole in the ocean and landed on my neck. I’m wireless, so everyone heard me go “THUNK! UGGH!”. Then I felt all this wetness around me, and all this broken glass, I was like “Oh no, I’m cut, I’m bleeding!”, but then I looked at it and it was just beer. So I got up and kept playing. I mean, it hurt, but it wasn’t that bad. Then about a week later, I’m driving through Italy, and suddenly each day I can’t move my arm less and less. One day I can’t lift it up past my shoulder, the next day I can’t life it up past my elbow. When I almost passed out while I was driving just because I tried to turn my head I thought “Yeah, this can’t be good”. I had to cancel three weeks of that tour. I told my doctor what happened, and, well, doctors don’t necessarily agree with what I do sometimes. They’re always trying to get me to stop bouncing girls on my knees. This doctor though, he said something that really stuck with me. He said “Do you want to ride in a boat, or do you want to play guitar?”. To be honest, I did think it over for like three days. “Do you want ride in a dingy, or do you want to play guitar?”. In the end I choose the guitar, because that’s what I do, dammit. I’ll be honest though, there is a boat in my car right now. It’s always there. I did boat the crowd for a few stops on this tour. I boated Belingham again, because I knew they wouldn’t drop me. Though they did seem to be trying to. Bastards. Rough waters in Belingham lately. If it’s ever a packed room, I might boat the crowd again, but I don’t do it as often as I used to anymore.

J.D. – Do you always keep it inflated and off to the side, just in case?

BOB LOG III – No, I’ll decide ahead of time. If a room is packed to the gills I’ll consider it. Low ceilings don’t work so well. I was shoved into a ceiling fan in Phoenix. I had to play guitar with one hand, and stop the ceiling fan with my other hand, and I remember thinking “Huh, I’ve never done this before. (haha) This is new.”

J.D. – Not to kiss your ass, but you are an incredibly proficient player. You do tend to steer away from what could be refereed to as “dicking around” on the guitar, though. No 16 minute solos, no noodling for the sake of noodling, none of the classic tropes of players with a lot of skill. You’ve stuck with bulletproof song structure, you get through a lot of songs in a set, and you do a ton of work on stage. Did you make the decision early on to keep that style and song structure and just stick with it?

BOB LOG III – Not necessarily. I’ve always loved guys like Johnny Cash and Chuck Berry, and pretty much every song they released was two minutes and thirty seconds long. Or shorter, for that matter. It just seems to be my natural… um… song writing… time… I guess (haha). I don’t know, I don’t really think about it. If you do think about it though, a lot of people in bands will do a solo here, or a solo there, whereas my whole show is a solo. When people say “Bob Log, you never solo!”, I say “Fuck you, I just solo’d that whole fucking show!”. I don’t really play melodic, I play rhythmic. And I don’t mean that I play rhythm guitar, I mean I beat the guitar like a drum. There’s notes in there, but I’m playing it with a beat. Really, if I was being honest, I’d say I only know how to do, like, four things. When I first started, I had a friend who started at around the same time as me, and he could play anything. He could hear a song, and just be able to play it, all the way through, no problem. I could never do that. I would hear a song, learn it wrong, and then it sort of became my own thing. I could never replicate anything I heard. Then I started the finger picking and thwacking thing, and I got really good at that, but there are still a whole bunch of things on the guitar that I don’t know how to do. That’s mainly why you don’t see me doing stuff like that, because I can’t. I admire people who pick something, stick with it, and get really good at it. If you look at guys like Bo Diddley, or Chuck Berry, or even Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, they really only do one thing, but they are amazing at it. James Brown is another great example. James Brown and Motorhead don’t make reggae albums. That’s the same for everything, though. If someone is really great at pole vaulting, you don’t really want to see them bowl. I am a pole vaulter. Don’t expect me to play tennis.

J.D. – What is your recording process like now? Now that you can get a pretty great sound out of a pretty modest home studio, do you still aim for lo-fi sounds purposefully?

BOB LOG III – I never start making a record and think “I really want to make this sound like shit”. I grew up recording with 4 track cassettes. All of Doo Rag was recorded with 4 track cassettes. There has always been some 4 track stuff that has wound up on all my albums. Most of the time you can’t tell between the stuff that was recorded in studio or on 4 track with me, anyway. I try to record as well as I can with the stuff I’ve got. I’ve got a reel-to-reel 8 track recorder, too. It’s pretty much just a giant 4 track. Both of those things are kind of on their last legs, though. I am going to have to come up with some new kind of home recording system soon. If I can stick with tape, I will. I usually record my stuff at home, then I bring it to a studio, put it into their stuff and mix it from there. I like recording at home and taking my time. I don’t like going into a studio and being like “We’ve got three hours, guys! Let’s get the take!”. I’m never like that. I take my time, I’m never in a hurry, I never have a deadline. I do it when I love it, and it’s done when I love it even more than that.

J.D. – I can hear that in your albums. It’s clear you’ve never released something you’re not totally happy with.

BOB LOG III – Thank you! I hope that shows! I think every band has that problem, though. Every band I like, they all have that one album. That one album when you listen to it, it’s like “Oh, this was the album they had to have done by July”. I never wanted to be in that position. Even when I was 12 years old, I knew I’d never write a song because I felt I “had” to. These are my records, I’ve got to listen to them for the rest of my life. I’m not putting anything out unless I fuckin’ love it. Plus, nowadays, if people are just going to download them for free, I don’t see a need to crank out tons of material just for the sake of it.

J.D. – What is the appeal of Australia? You’ve made that your home away from home it seems.

BOB LOG III – It’s cool, man. America, Canada, Australia, we’re all the people who left or got chased out of England for whatever reason, so there are a lot of similarities. There’s a lot of differences, too. They know nothing of the letter ‘R’. I love the people there, though. They are hilarious, they are fearless, and they don’t give a shit if they get crap on their jacket when they come to a show. There is very little pretension there.

J.D. – When I first heard your albums, I was genuinely curious what the lyrics to your songs were. They are not the easiest to interpret a lot of the time. Thankfully, I managed to grab one of your lyrics books that you sold on tour way back when.

BOB LOG III – Yeah, I’m all out of lyrics books, unfortunately. People don’t believe this, but I actually spend more time working on the lyrics than anything else. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. People may not understand what I’m saying, but I know what I’m saying, and I am saying stuff. You can follow along with most of it, I think. Well, maybe not on the first record. I grew up listening to AC/DC and the Rolling Stones, and I still don’t know what the fuck some of the lyrics to those songs are, even to this day. I love my lyrics, I spend a lot of time on them. I’ve got to say them every day, so I take extra special care. That being said, it’s not the most important thing to me. Whenever I’m listening to music, any music, I’m listening to the guitar and the beat. The lyrics can be there, they have a place, but I don’t hear that first. It’s the guitar that’s really saying stuff. That’s how I write my songs. You should hear the guitar first before anything else. I’m not U2. It’s not about what I’m saying ‘about’ something. When I go play Japan, everyone understands me. Maybe not all the words I’m saying, but they understand the music. Not to bag on U2, but I’m sure there are people there who don’t know what the fuck they are saying, since they don’t understand the words. Whereas with me, it’s just BOOM-TAK-BOOM-TAK-TAK-BOOM-TAK-BOOM, and everybody speaks that. If I’m in Finland, they get it. Japan, North America, whatever. It’s truly an international language the way I do it.

J.D. – One lyric of yours that always stuck with me is “I’m a professional, God Dammit! I live in a car!” I like that sentiment a lot, and I think I do have an immense respect for professionals who live in their cars. People who picked a talent, stuck with it, and endure. I guess what I’m asking is what kind of car do you drive now?

BOB LOG III – Ha! Well, now I don’t, actually. That was written back when I was touring about nine months a year, and I would go through cars like shoes. I’ve never owned a car that lasted more than two or three tours. Last car I did have was an ’89 Lincoln Towncar with a sunroof, and I loved that car. I love touring in station wagons, I had a Mercury station wagon, a Ford, and a Volvo that I had to leave in the desert in New Mexico. The Mercury was left in Texas, there’s another in Portland somewhere. I’ve left cars all over the planet. Now I just rent cars. Not that exciting, but if the car breaks it’s way easier to get another one. I never want to miss shows, that’s my thing, and if you tour in your own car you’re bound to end up missing a show. Plus, you end up having to buy a new car.

J.D. – What are you listening to, what’s playing in the rental car now?

BOB LOG III – Lately it’s been a lot of old, old, old Andre Williams. Bacon Fat, Moselle, things like that. I got this whole compilation of Eddie Bo stuff, which is really cool. I go through phases with a lot of things. A couple months ago it was Solomon Burke. Really though, what I’m listening to the most of is Mr. Free and the Satellite Freakout. The new generation of freaks from Tuscon. I knew the drummer’s mom, and when I first moved to Tuscon she was pregnant with him. I met him again when he was 8 or something. Then I hear he’s got a band, and I’m like “Alright, I guess I’ll check them out”, but then I saw them and I was like “OH MY GOD! Hey, uh, do you guys want to tour with me?”. They already started up after I moved to Melbourne, but every time I come back I try to find out what’s going on there. There is a bunch of cool shit going on in Tuscon right now, actually. It’s amazing. I’m old enough to see a whole new generation of bands come along, and there is some great stuff happening there. Tuscon is a magnet for that shit though, because it’s boring. When you live in a boring town, you end up doing something, because you have more time to do it. And that’s better than money, that’s better than gold. If you’ve got time to do something you love, you hopefully get good at it.

J.D. – I’m living in Winnipeg right now, so I know the feeling. I’m hoping for that same thinking pans out for me, too.

BOB LOG III – Oh, Winnipeg. Some day I’m going to figure you out. I love it, I’m not saying I don’t love it, but I’m still trying to figure it out, is all.

J.D. – I don’t know either, it’s the geographical center of North America. Maybe that has something to do with it.

BOB LOG III – Yeah, but what are we doing there?

J.D. – I don’t know, good point.

BOB LOG III – “Hey man, we’re in the middle!” (shrug)

J.D. – Any hope for a re-release of the old Doo Rag stuff?

BOB LOG III – We keep talking about that, and I would like to make that happen. I love those records, man. I had so much fun with that band, it was illegal the shit we got to do. We were just two guys in a car, but all these bands loved us and would take us on tour with them, like Beck or The Cramps or Jon Spencer. It was not like we had people talking to people, we were literally just two guys in a car. They would just be like “Hey guys, wanna come with us?” and we’d be like “Fuck yeah!”, and off we’d go. It was so much fun. We got to go to Europe, Japan, all these places. We had no manager, no label, no nothing, it was just other people liking it and helping us. It was also us just saying yes to everything.

J.D. – There was a clip that came online not that long ago of you guys performing on some french talk show. That was insane, because it was the best quality footage I had seen of you guys. I’d heard the albums and seen some grainy footage, but nothing that up-close.

BOB LOG III – That was a pretty insane time. If you watch that footage again, look closely at my eyes (haha). Apparently Interpol was looking for us at that particular time, because one of the members of the band had smashed up a hotel room in Switzerland.

J.D. – “One”? You’re not going to say who?

BOB LOG III – I’m not going to blame anybody, but it was not me (haha). We had to leave very quickly at around six in the morning, drive all day, then play a show in Teluse that night. Then my booking agent called me and asked what happened in Switzerland the night before. I said I didn’t know what he was talking about, and he said that Interpol was looking for us, and that there was $10,000 in damage, and blah, blah, blah, good luck. Oh, and now you’re playing on French TV for seven million people in like four hours. So if you look, at the end of that song, you’ll see me get up and walk off stage, where I was expecting to get tackled as I got towards the curtain. That’s where my head was (haha). It was funny later, but scary as shit at the time.

J.D. – Frank Sinatra never left the house without a three-piece suit and cuff-links on. Are there any days when you don’t want to put on the jumper and just play in your normal cloths?

BOB LOG III – I want to stir up a room full of drunk people, till they’ve got no choice but to dance and smile. The suit helps. What sucks is when it’s still wet from yesterday. There was this one time, in Hamburg Germany, I’m in this dank, stinky basement. There’s water on the floor, I’ve got to take my shoes off, step in the water, put on this disgustingly wet, stinky suit, and then put on this wet helmet. Plus, now my socks are wet, too. I’m just quaking in the cold, and I just said out loud, to no one, “What the fuck am I doing?” (haha!) That was the first thing that came to mind when you asked that question. BUT, as soon as I play two notes, all that shit goes away. It’s all on after that. A lot of musicians, whether you’re in an orchestra, a symphony, or a band, when the music is really working, you get into this spot where you’re not in the now. Or you’re ONLY in the now. You’re in this tiny little moment where you’re only playing the song. There is no before, there’s no after. You get sucked into this little vortex. Every musician knows what I’m talking about, I think. If you’re in a band or a symphony it might take some time to get there, but as a one man band, you are there instantly. The whole night. There is nowhere else to go. You can’t sit back and relax and let someone else play for a bit while you think about other shit. No, you are instantly in the vortex. Other people get to go there, too. I think boxers get to go there. They can’t be thinking about their breakfast while they’re boxing. You have to really be thinking about the moment you’re in, and it’s a really special place to be. I get to do it about six months a year for an hour and a half each night. I have to say, I enjoy it.

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