Dear Creators of the film ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’

Word Count – 400

Listen, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. That’s a given. As you probably already know, I’m a single straight white man with low income and a beard who blows irrationally large sums money on concert posters and batteries for things. Obviously I am not in the key demographic for your film. 

I have not seen it. Nor do I have any immediate plans to. However, if you still want my money, I’m here to tell you that there IS still a way to convince me to see it.

The problem I’m having your film is that I can’t seem to understand the infliction the title is trying to convey. Infliction is everything, but you’re Hollywood folk, you knew that. You must also be aware that there are seven ways in which the title of the film can be interpreted, each of them unique unto themselves. They are…

I Don’t Know How She Does It” – A third party is confused about a woman who is able to do a specific thing, while others seem to have no trouble discerning how it is done by her.

“I DON’T Know How She Does It” – An intense interrogation reveals that a third party is emphatic about their ignorance in matters pertaining to how this woman does a specific act or acts.

“I Don’t KNOW How She Does It” – A third party has an intense amount of faith in a woman’s ability to do things, and they have declared to hell with trying to rationalize it to others.

“I Don’t Know HOW She Does it” – While her methods are mysterious and foreign to them, a third party is still in awe of a woman’s talent in doing things.

“I Don’t Know How SHE Does It” – A man or group of men can’t fathom how this woman is seemingly able to do things men normally do, be they remarkable or inconsequential.

“I Don’t Know How She DOES It.” – Productivity-wise, a woman baffles a third party with her tenacious work ethic and elbow grease in her activities and/or achievements.

“I Don’t Know How She Does IT.” – A group of people are pondering how a woman is physically and/or mentally able to have sex with a seemingly inanimate object, animal, or genetically deformed creature.

Please tell me which of these seven options best describes your film. I will let you know right now, there is only one correct answer.

– J.D. Renaud

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