Glory, I tell you. God damn glory.
I personally can’t think of any better way to name your business than a six word sentence describing in the first person past tense what service it provided once. Top that off with an all-caps closer and a completely unsuperfluous exclamation point, and you’ve just hammered the last nail in the coffin of any and all of your customers’ reservations. All that is left to do after such a brilliant marketing move is wait for the doors to burst open and welcome the rushing hoards of customers crying and violently throwing money at your head.
I hope and pray that other business take note of IBTAMP’s innovation and quickly follow suit, making all of our shopping excursions just as refined and uncumbersome. Might I suggest…
I’ve received a STYLISH HAIRCUT!
I’ve seen many ADORABLE ANIMALS!
I’ve eaten a SPECTACULAR MUFFIN!
I’ve fished with SUPERIOR BAIT!
I’ve had my teeth PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED!
I’ve purchased QUALITY PORNOGRAPHY!
I’ve experienced a THOROUGH DOUCHING!
Can’t you just hear the jaunty and debonair voices of a Noel Coward or a Frasier Crane reverberating in your head as you say those names? I know I do, and I’m sure that is exactly what these fine banquet accoutrement proprietors intended with their moniker.
Our pointy elastic chin-strapped hats are off to you, good sirs. Climb The Highest Mountain, And Punch The Face Of God.
