Word Count – 450
J.D. says: So, turns out they found 24 gallons of water on the moon. To put that in perspective, it normally costs $50,000 to bring one pound of ANYTHING to the moon. Now that they have all that money saved, this means irrigation, possible hydrogen fuel, terraforming, the whole bunch. With proper funding, there may be sustainable colonies on the moon by 2100.
Tim says: Shit, and I was seething with schadenfreude when this was going on. Fuck me.
J.D. says: Yeah, turns out that NASA, that institute comprised entirely of rocket scientists, knew what they were doing. Go figure.
Tim says: There’s the new answer to why I don’t drink too much. When you were out getting drunk this weekend, NASA found water on the fucking moon and now we can look at terraforming inside of the century. So yeah, maybe that extra Jager-bomb isn’t going to help anything.
J.D. says: While you were throwing up black Jager vomit, some guy in a lab coat was figuring out a way for you to live, and perhaps even get drunk and throw up on the moon someday. I suppose them finding water means we are one step closer to the possibility of moon booze.
Tim says: MOON BOOZE! Finally! What kind of hops do you think they’ll brew it with? Astral-Hops?
J.D. says: Dirt? Dirty moon booze? Mooze?
Tim says: That’s another thing that’s always good to think about. Somewhere in the world, some dude is going to drop a few million dollars for a bottle of Moon Water. Just the same as the US Flag currently on the moon has a good chance of ending up in a Beijing Museum some day. Hum… hold up, story idea… crime drama, the future, China steals the Moon Flag, and a rag tag band of American ex-cons are forced to steal it back.
J.D. says: “Old Glory”, starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Kanye West.
Tim says: You can post this on The Placeholder if you want, but only if you correctly spelled “Jake Gyllenhaal”. If you didn’t, just say Tom Cruise. And if you do post it, sweet Jesus, clean it up first. I feel it makes us both look overweight. I don’t have a neck beard. I can’t even grow a normal beard.
J.D. says: I’ll write it up again to make it seem less like we’re having this conversation in our underwear.
Tim says: Though now you also have to include this bit where we announce the self-awareness of how pathetic this sounds.
J.D says: It will be this odd mobius strip of stupidity, the piece itself commenting on how nerdy it is.
Tim says: Like a self-loathing MC Escher painting.